on the Veil
Neptune is Retrograde
Here are some of the experiences that freaked me out recently until I remembered that Neptune is Retrograde right now:
This past weekend my sweetie and I were frolicking in a river, and we started talking about the Big Bang. The suggestion that there may have been something before the Universe made me feel totally adrift within reality, as if someone had unscrewed the back of my head and any meaning I had constructed for my existence floated slowly out of my body.
I keep having to remind myself that the world I am looking at is three dimensional - that the horizon before me is not a flat image, but instead is full of distance. A sunset is not a painting of the sunset, but is actual particles and waves moving through clouds of evaporated water.
I’m having a hard time connecting with the non-human creatures in my life. What is my sweetie’s little dog thinking? How can I interact with my roommate’s cat? How are these creatures so different from me sharing this experience with me?
The shape of my dreams have changed - I am used to dreaming in quite contained vignettes, and lately my dreams are morphing and changing, I will be in three places at once, dreaming in more obscure symbols.
I am having a hard time finding my words.
I have a strong Neptune placement in my birth chart, which is common for trans folks. My friend G recently turned me on to astrocartography, and I’m recently back from a trip to Newfoundland, where the line of my natal Neptune crosses through.
Neptune has the energy of an enchanted forest where you are just as likely to run into a unicorn as you are to be eaten by a carnivorous plant. It is the planet of dream worlds, of night and fog. Sometimes faeries are magical, quaint and cute, and sometimes they pull you into their spirit realm and you emerge 40 years later, feeling like you only spent the afternoon. It’s not powerfully positive like Jupiter, or notably challenging like Saturn, but it is something.
Right now, Neptune is retrograding through the planet of Pisces. Neptune is happy in the Pisces, and it’s been there for a long time - since 2011/2012. It’s getting ready to go into Aries, but that’s still around the corner. Pisces is a sign that I associate with the movement of the tides - pushing always in and out. The lesson of Pisces is to become comfortable with the dissolution of the identity into death. It is quite an emotional place to be.
The fog is rolling in, and thickening. We are falling backwards, deeply into death and dreams. Neptune will be retrograde until early December of this year, so as we adjust to a new energy in the world around us, we want to build personal care strategies that will get us through a medium-haul.
What does it mean for us to be connecting with our fantasies when we live in a Material world? What does it mean for the veil to be pulling at us like a tide? How can this intensified spiritual energy interact with our own personal realities and spiritual philosophies? How do we talk to dogs? When we dream of the future, are we dreaming of utopias or dystopias? What does it mean to navigate when we cannot see through the fog?